


You Understand (Me)

by endof_theline



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Past Brainwashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 20:36:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22004104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endof_theline/pseuds/endof_theline
Summary: Bucky is recovering and wanted his space, Clint just wants to make sure... and maybe he also wants to escape from Steve's looks of pity.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68
Collections: Winterhawk Wonderland





	You Understand (Me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hawkguyandthewinterdude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkguyandthewinterdude/gifts).



> This is for @hawkguyandthewinterdude for the WinterHawk Wonderland exchange, I hope you enjoy it!

Clint knew that while him and the others were staying in the nice, safe ‘castle’ in Wakanda, Bucky was out there in the plains and it bugged him. Sure, Shuri had taken all that Winter Soldier programming out of his head and repaired his arm so it was all tidy and not jagged with wires hanging out, but all those memories of Hydra and what the Soldier did were still going to be in his head and without anyone around him, how was Bucky going to get any help? Not that Clint cared of course, apart from the sort of care anyone would give to their friend’s best friend, no matter what Sam said.

"Has anyone checked in with Barnes lately?" Clint asked curiously as they were all sat around, Sam, Steve, Wanda and Vision had been walking random shows and the way Steve was sat with Sam on his left and an empty chair to his right had jerked the thought of the man into his head.

"I spoke to him last week" Steve threw a smile over his shoulder at Clint "He's doing really well, said he's making friends with the children"

"Did you go see him or was he with Shuri?" Clint asked again and Sam rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face, Clint already knew the answer he was going to get.

"With Shuri, he said he wants space to figure himself, remember?" Steve raised an eye at him and the questioning look stayed on his face when Clint nodded but fidgeted in his chair.

"Sometimes people need space to recover, man" Sam spoke up with a shrug and suddenly Steve went all soft eyed at Clint and the archer glared furiously back at him.

"Clint-" Steve started, his tone soft and careful like he was talking to a frightened animal.

"Don't" The archer warned dangerously, he had worked his ass off to ensure that no one knew what happened to him back in New York. He especially didn't need therapist-for-hire Sam to know that he had been brainwashed and carried that trauma like a ball and chain, neither did he need Wanda to start offering to dig around in his head even if it was with good intentions "I just think someone should go talk to him"

"If you're so worried why don't you go see him?" Sam sneered and Clint flipped him off before letting it drop, everyone else moved on and forgot about the conversation but for Clint, it stuck.

That’s most likely how Clint ended up standing a fair distance away from Bucky’s hut and debating if this is such a good idea as it had been back in the castle. Clint tensed and froze when he spotted Bucky leaving the hut and cursed softly when the soldier paused before looking directly at him, he saw how Bucky tilted his head slightly in confusion so Clint instantly waved and headed over, pushing his nerves deep down.

Of course he would know when someone was watching him, Clint thought to himself as he wandered over.

"Barton" Bucky nodded his head at him in greeting but there was definitely confusion in his eyes.

"Hey Barnes, just wanted to ask how you're doing?" Clint said as he came to rest against the fence before quickly jerking away from it when Bucky shooed him off.

"Don't lean on the fence, it's not very stable and those goats don't need encouragement to escape" He said as he gave it a test wobble before trying to push it deeper into the ground, Clint smiled and nodded before standing up without trying to lean on anything this time.

"Sorry, I shoulda realised" He offered and Bucky just shrugged his shoulders "So how is everything out here?"

"You still askin' about me?" He asked in return, Clint copied his motion and shrugged one shoulder "Well, the farm's going good I just look after these guys but I think one of my girls might be knocked up, so might get a couple babies from her soon" He pointed out one of the females who definitely looked bigger than the others to Clint "As for myself, why don't you just ask Shuri?"

"Because I wanna know how you are, not how Shuri is" Clint teased with a smirk that just made Bucky roll his eyes and shake his head before walking back into his house, Clint paused for a moment before rushing to follow him in.

The hut Bucky was living in was small but Bucky seemed to be comfortable even as he had to duck his head to walk in, there was just the basics in here and that’s exactly what it seemed that Bucky had wanted in here. Clint had been in a couple of the other farmers’ homes and they had had a few pieces of tech kicking around the place, but Bucky’s was baron of any of it.

“Nice place" Clint commented simply and quickly held his hands up when Bucky glared at him dangerously "I didn't mean anything by it, don't glare at me"

"Just because I'm not living with you and the others in the palace doesn't mean you have to pity me" Bucky grumbled making Clint tilt his head confused with a little frown on his face.

"I wasn't pitying you and trust me there are days I wish that I lived out here with you instead with those guys" Clint said with a slight chuckle in his voice before he shook his head and sat down where Bucky directed him, the archer felt like he could speak openly with the other - felt like he wasn’t constantly about to be sized up and judged for every single word he said.

“Why?” Was all his reply, Bucky just looked at him blankly but there was a small spark in his eyes that hinted at Bucky’s curiosity.

“I know he’s your best friend and all that, but Steve won’t stop looking at me like a wounded puppy or like I’m helpless or something he wants to fix. Sam is constantly giving me advice like he's my therapist even though he doesn’t know anything about me or my life and Wanda either wants to follow me around like a lost kid or playing around with her powers and I don’t need her to play around in my brain again” Clint ranted and was thankful that Bucky just sat and let him let it all out instead of cutting in, if he had mentioned it to any of the others all of them would have butted in straight away. 

“Sounds about right for Stevie, dunno about the others though, but I know the feeling of having people pick your brains even though they don’t know you” Bucky hummed softly and when Clint looked up, the soldier actually had a softer look on his face than the glare he had fixed there at first.

“They keep saying they spoke to you with Shuri and that you want your space to recover, I know everyone is different but I know I prefered having people at least around me when I was recovering” Clint shrugged one shoulder and noticed how Bucky had tensed a little so he held his hands up slowly again “You don’t have to tell me anything, I just feel weird leaving you to yourself in case you get caught up in your head and there’s no one around to help you out”

“You seem to know a lot about being caught up in your head” Bucky narrowed his eyes slightly and Clint just leaned back against the wall, not feeling threatened under the other’s gaze even though he was pretty sure he should be.

“I have some experience with brainwashing and being trapped in your own head, nothing quite as bad as what Hydra did to you but weirdo gods messing with your brain certainly messes you up” Clint explained, trying not to go fully into the details of it all since it didn’t take much to make Clint’s head spin and drag him back into a dark place.

“Weirdo gods? You mean like that Thor guy Stevie was talking about?” Bucky cocked his head and leaned in curiously making the archer smile knowingly.

“His brother actually, Loki. Back in 2012 there was an attack on Earth, it’s how we all banded together with Stark and Banner, he had me in his control for a long time and while I didn’t get any blood on my hands from him I helped him get blood on his and I almost killed my closest friend” Clint explained further since Bucky was interested and was starting to open up a little to him, Clint tensed straight away when he heard scratching at the door of the hut but Bucky grinned lazily and opened the door for a grumpy looking cat to slink through the door.

“Hey Alpine” Bucky nodded at the cat who flicked its tail in his direction before jumping up onto the bed and curling up beside the soldier easily.

“He your’s?” Clint chuckled softly and Bucky instantly smiled at him that took Clint’s breath away as he suddenly saw the Brooklyn Charmer that Steve always described Bucky as.  
“Nah, he just comes and goes when he likes, not sure if he belongs to anyone” He admitted happily, that same soft smile on his face.

The scene was peaceful, the assassin sat on the edge of his bed with a little white cat curled up beside him, leaning into the cuddles he was being given, and the archer sat on a chair across from him - leaned back with a smile looking like he had all the time in the world just to sit and watch. It was the first time in a long time that both of them felt like the silence surrounding them wasn’t suffocating them or clogging up their minds, neither felt the need to talk but just enjoy the moment.

Soon Clint was called back and he dragged himself away from the cosy hut and back to the busy palace, back to having to watch his words just in case he said the wrong thing to the wrong people.

The pair grew closer and closer now that Clint and Bucky felt more comfortable around each other, Clint would meet Bucky after meeting with Shuri and follow him out to his hut so they could spend the rest of their day together talking in soft tones about the things they have seen and things they’ve done. There were things Clint was sure Bucky hadn’t told Steve, but had told him, and Bucky was sure that Clint had told him things Natasha didn’t know about him too.

Clint didn’t want to admit it, but he was definitely feeling something deeper than a friendship between him and Bucky, he didn’t even know Bucky’s stance on gays let alone if he was interested in the same sex like Clint was.

That’s what started the conversation, a quiet question to Bucky with his eyes down and a lip stuck between his teeth.

“So, how are you finding things like socially? Things and opinions have changed since you were last around, people are happily mixing and girls and guys are dating the same sex and, uh, how you doing with it?” Clint rambled awkwardly which was Bucky’s first inclination that something was wrong with Clint, the way he was dodging looking at Bucky as well.

“Well, it was a little jarring that it was so accepted, in Brooklyn you would have been killed for being gay. Can’t say I’m upset though, had enough people trying to knock me out for checking out a guy back then so I’m glad I can do that freely now, I guess” Bucky laughed and noticed how Clint’s dropped the tension he was holding there, a small breath of relief slipped through his lips as well “What about you? What do you think?”

“I’ve always pushed for equal rights so I’m really happy that it’s starting to finally be fair for everyone, and I mean I'm gay so of course I support it too” Clint tried to say casually but there was still a hint of tension and fear running through him, Bucky smiled softly and offered his hand out to the archer slowly. They both ignored the shake to Clint's usually constantly steady hands as Clint reached over and took Bucky's carefully.

"Thank you for telling me, I'm not gonna hurt you, Clint" He spoke soothingly and only smiled more when Clint's shoulders dropped happily, but he tilted his head to one side.

"I wasn't thinking you were gonna hit me" Clint grinned lopsidedly but Bucky just nodded his head.

"I know, that's why I said I wasn't gonna hurt you" He pointed out and Clint chuckled a little breathlessly as Bucky squeezed his hand gently before pulling away somewhat hesitantly.

Clint knew he was already head over heels, it was only a matter of time before he did something to fuck it all up.

Shuri had looked so worried when she had ran up to him, her eyes looked a little wild even. Steve had puffed out his chest and tried to step in, but Clint wouldn't be moved and he was already running before Shuri had finished her sentence. Bucky hadn't visited her in a while and then she got word that people had heard screams coming from where Bucky's hut was but were too afraid to go check in.

Clint always knocked before walking into Bucky's even when the man had told him he didn't need to anymore, this was the first time Clint didn't knock on the door.

Bucky looked like a man possessed.

He was screaming bloody murder, thrashing around and kicking out like he was fighting some invisable monster. The second Clint's hand was on Bucky's shoulder, Bucky was up on his feet and shoving Clint against the wall with a snarl. His eyes were wide open but Clint knew he wasn't awake, he was still fighting whatever demons he saw behind his eyelids.

"Your name's James Buchanan Barnes, you fought in the 107th and I'm Clinton Barton, I work with SHIELD and I'm not going to hurt you, Bucky" Clint spoke softly and Bucky growled and shoved his shoulders back harder even though he was flat against the wall, Clint just started to repeat the same words over and over. Never fighting against Bucky's restraint and rolling with the movements as the soldier shoved him around, the only time he defended himself was when Bucky deemed he didn't move fast enough and swung to hit him but Clint just managed to block the hit and shove himself where Bucky was trying to get him, which just happened to be the bed.

Clint was flat on his back with Bucky straddling his hips, arms holding Clint's wrists together and above his head, Clint couldn't help but smirk and say something stupid "Well I like this postion Buckaroo but lets try this again when you're not stuck in your head"

"C-Clint" Bucky's voice was hoarse and raspy, his eyes darted for a second before landing down on Clint's still smirking face.

"You know it, Bucks, but like I said next time we're like this I'd rather you be outta your mind instead of stuck in it" He laughed, Clint knew he was only laughing because he was nervous but it was what seemed to be pulling Bucky out of his head so he kept teasing and laughing.

Bucky sagged slightly on top of him making Clint have to worry about getting squished under Bucky's weight, he squeezed his eyes shut before shaking his head a little and blinking them open to look back at Clint who had the same smirk but a glint in his eyes that screamed nervous.

"Clint" Bucky breathed as he sat back on his heels and let go of Clint's wrists, the archer had to stop himself from rubbing them and letting the other know he had been in pain "D-Did I hurt you?"

"Nah I can take you, big guy" Clint winked but held his hands up in mock surrender when Bucky scowled down at him "I'm fine Bucky, you just shoved me around a little and the one time you swung I don't think you were actually going to hit me because you let me defend it and move out of your way"

"Your wrists are red" Bucky grabbed Clint's hand and pulled up to inspect it so Clint shuffled to pull himself up to sit right in front of Bucky "Do they hurt, don't lie to me?"

"Only really an ache, I'm fine really" Clint assured him and left his hand in Bucky's gentle grip for as long as the other needed to make sure he really was okay, however the soldier just dropped his head and let his forehead gently rest on Clint's "How are you feeling?" 

"Still a little locked away, but you're helping ground me" Bucky whispered into the air between them, Clint let his eyes flutter shut as he let out a small sigh slip from his lips.

"Please don't hate me for this" Clint just murmured softly before pushing their heads up slowly and kissing Bucky gently, just as Clint went to pull back Bucky pushed forward and meet him again for a slightly deeper kiss, feeling the soldier smile into it before Clint pulled himself away again with a bright smile on his face "You don't hate me?"

"No, but I do think you just wanted to kiss me, you know I could say you were taking advantage of me" Bucky pointed out with a smirk on his face but Clint squeaked in alarm and rushed to defend himself but Bucky laughed "I'm only teasing, birdy, I wanted to kiss you too"

"Well good then!" Clint nodded making Bucky laugh harder before pulling him back into another kiss, the pair falling back onto the bed laughing and kissing happily.

Sam only stared when Clint pulled Bucky into the palace and started to show him around, his eyes trained on their joined hands swinging casually. Wanda looked like she wanted to object but Vision strong hand on her shoulder kept her from saying anything to the pair. Shuri had just raised her drink to them in passing with a smirk on her face making the three of them laugh and when they faced their fears in the shape of Steve Rogers, the man just clapped Bucky hard on the shoulder with a massive grin on his face and teased them playfully.

"Don't let this one go, Buck"

"Wouldn't dream of it, Stevie" Bucky grinned back at his best friend, Clint beaming beside him as he felt Bucky tighten his grip ever so slightly on his hand.

Yeah, they weren't ever going to let the other go again.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope I did this ship justice as this is the first thing I've written for these boys, it's a ship I've recently fallen in love with so I hope people enjoyed it.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome!


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